Save A Relationship: An Action Plan

If you want to save a relationship from ending, or if it has ended recently, there are ways to turn this situation around. But it will take work and strength from both partners.

Here is a list of things to do to save a relationship:

1. Decide if this relationship is worth saving.
Sometimes relationships have run their course and its time to move on. But at other times, you know you're still in love and there is still something wonderful and magical about the relationship and you're not willing to give up on it. If you are in an abusive relationship (mentally and/or emotionally) I hope you will consider moving on, and fast. If however, your relationship was based on friendship, trust, and honesty and you want to save a relationship, then you must be willing to take the necessary steps to make it work.

 2. Figure out what the problems are in the relationship.
You can't fix a relationship if you don't know what's wrong with it. Talk with you ex (or soon to be ex) to find out their point of view. I know this sounds like a big fight waiting to happen, but you don't even need to talk much. Just do this little exercise:
-  Take a piece of paper and fold it into thirds. each of you must have a sheet of paper.
-  Label the columns from left to right: Plus, Minus, and Change.
-  In the "plus" column write down all the pluses about your relationship.
-  In the "minus" column write down the bad or negative things about the relationship.
-  In the "change" column write down the things you wish to change in the relationship.

3. Share your thoughts with each other. 
Communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship. And without it, trying to save a relationship is hopeless. It's best to hold hands and say at the beginning  "I love you and I want the relationship to work, and this is what I want for us..." or something along those lines. This is not the time to blame, criticize, or pout.

4. Listen to your partner. 
Don't defend yourself, argue with what they said, or belittle the items on their list. Sure, some of it may hurt you to hear, but if you really want to save this relationship, then learning from your own mistakes and bad habits/deeds is the way through to the other side. Be strong enough to listen to your own faults and you will grow. Your partner should not be verbally abusive, yelling, or making you feel guilty. If they are, maybe it is time to move on for your own personal good.

5. Take action. 
Identify the biggest problems on each other's list and figure out ways to begin fixing them. For example, if you don't talk and communicate enough, make a commitment to spend time together away from kids, the TV, the cell phone, etc. Taking action to rid negatives in a relationship is a great way to begin to save a relationship.
 
6. Apologize and commit. 
Its very healing for both people when they apologize for hurting each other. And making a commitment to work on saving the relationship is the beginning of healing the relationship.

In order to save a relationship, you have to be willing to open yourself up to honesty. Both to your partner and to yourself. Hearing the negatives of your relationship from your partner's perspective can be difficult and painful, but it works both ways. They will be feeling just as hurt listening to your "negative" list. Listening and sharing the "negatives" is a big sign that this person still loves you and wants to make the relationship work.